GET OUT OF MY FACEBOOK!!
by Joe Cooper

I usually do not do any research when I write columns, because basically I know everything.  However, for this edition of the Scepter I have explored a parallel universe known as Facebook.  When I entered this college as a My Turner and became involved with the Performing Arts Department and Scepter, I found Facebook as a useful tool in keeping up with the events.  I did not know that I was entering a world that was both bizarre and mundane all at once.

For the uninitiated, Facebook, like MySpace, is a place where a person can sign up and keep in contact with others through the Internet.  You create a pre-designed personal page with as little or as much information as you see fit.  Then you solicit relatives, friends and others to be on your “friends” list.  I now have 64 people on my list of friends, most of whom I only have a slight relationship with.  It seems what constitutes friendships on Facebook can be yours as much as your very close friends or as little as having someone else in common or the fact that you were on the same line at Starbucks.  I have seen pages where people have four or five hundred friends yet have no place to go on a Saturday night or New Year’s Eve.  I have “friends” from 18 to 80 years old, yet the people I generally talk to or see are not on the list.

Two people I do not have on my friends list are my son and daughter. Many people are guilty of TMI (too much information); I do not need to know all the comings and goings of my grown children.  What I do not know cannot upset me. 

Okay, you got your personal page and your friends, now what?  Your friends or you start posting to your home page.  These posts are seen by everyone on your friends list.  What amazes me is the mundane nature of most of these posts. Here are some from my page.

(Person’s name) is upset the light is broken in the bathroom and at night I feel like I am peeing in an outhouse, all though I have never peed in an outhouse.

(Person’s name) is exhausted, bed time.

(Person’s name) has just realized..."I hate turkey bacon."

I think you get the idea.  Then you get the posts that only make sense to the poster and one or two others, like:   (Person’s name) only just got home from work and has not had dinner yet and it's Carlo's fault... except for that small amount of blame due to Colin Quinn.

Now, if you know the person, you could comment back and possible get whole story, but if the person is on your list because you once ordered a latte at the same time, you feel kind of funny inquiring.  Plus if you really want the whole story, call them on the phone!

There are some good things one can post, pictures and videos for example.  It is a great way to share them, but make sure that it is fit for all.  Remember, once it is on the net, it is there for the whole world.  You can make your page that only your friends can see it, but there is nothing to stop your “friends” from downloading your pictures and videos and sending them all over the internet.  Some employers check sites like Facebook and MySpace on potential employees.  They may also “Google” you to see what pops up.  So keep those “Girl Gone Wild Pictures” to yourself. 

You also can send virtual hugs, kisses, candy and flowers by way of Facebook.  You do not have to leave your computer to do it and there is no cost involved.  I will paraphrase Hallmark Cards, “When you care enough to send the very least.”  I know that if I send my wife virtual flowers for Valentine’s Day, I would get a non-virtual kick in the rear at the end of the day.

Facebook makes it also possible for other people to annoy you. You can also be poked on your page; this way someone can get your attention.  So I have been poked, prodded, pushed, punched, slapped, sucked and whipped.  Sometimes I leave my computer black and blue. 
People are also able to invite you to events.  This is a good thing.  Those in entertainment can promote and others can inform you about what is going on.  Then there is the non-event “event.”  For example I was invited to the “event” of watching President Obama give his speech to Congress in my own house, on my own television, by myself.  When did this become an event?  I thought watching television is something I do between trips to the bathroom.

Of course, if you are looking for more things to do, you can join groups.  There are a multitude of groups on Facebook, and many of them serve some purpose.  There are school, fraternal, organizational and interest groups of all shapes and sizes.  In most cases, I have found, people join groups because they see one of their “friends” join (when you join a group, all your “friends” are informed) and if that is the extent of the involvement, then what is the point of being in that group?  I have seen people’s pages filled with group names for many different causes, but if being in the groups is as far as their commitment goes, how does the cause benefit?  Then there are groups with strange names and purposes like, “Flower taxis make me happy whenever I see them,” or “Rabbit can teach Spanish better than Emma’” or “I dislike people who yell geronimo and cowabunga when they jump into stuff.”  I would like to show up to one of their meetings just to see what type of people attends.
Then there is the IM (Instant Message).  This is not only on Facebook but also on other programs on the Internet.  The good feature is you can “talk” to someone online one-on-one.  The bad feature is that other people know you are online, IM you and you really don’t want to “talk” to them, but you feel bad ignoring their requests. The bad feature outweighs the good.